Dear Dumpsters in my Apartment Building,
First off, hello. I don't think we’ve ever been formally introduced. During my initial tour of the apartment complex, I was introduced to the pool, the gym, the lounge area, the office, even a neighbor's apartment. But for some reason the two of us never met. So hi. I'd like to say it's nice to meet you, but... well, I have a small problem.
Like any dumpster, you are often filled with garbage, emitting a smell that can be best described as uuugghhghghgh. Nobody likes that smell.
But hey, you're a dumpster. You're expected to smell bad. It's a smell I've learned to live with. It's not like I hang out by the trash chutes all the time either, so no big deal, right? Well, not for you. You just won't have it. You refuse to accept your natural odors, choosing to mask it with what I can only assume is the type of perfume old women normally wear. Really, Dumpsters in my Apartment Building? I can understand your desire to not smell like trash, but old lady perfume? The only reason old women wear it is because their senses are shot to hell and the scent is so overwhelming that it's the only thing their dinosaur nostrils are capable of smelling anymore. They don’t know any better. Nobody likes that smell.
Like most perfumes and air-fresheners, the smell isn't eliminated, either. Just covered up. Getting rid of an overpowering smell with another overpowering smell isn't much in the way of progress. And even worse, the smells eventually just mix together: a bouquet of too-strong perfume and a week’s worth of hot garbage, forming a stench so powerful not even concrete walls can hold it in. It permeates through the staircase and into the halls like the demonic presence in Evil Dead rushing through the forest in first person. Come to think of it, the resulting smell could probably be described pretty accurately as “demonic.” It's almost as if one of those old ladies suffocated from their perfume and has been dead for a week, lying there next to her orthopedic mattress, just out of reach of the counter where her LifeAlert currently sits, slowly decomposing.
Nobody likes that smell.
