As mentioned by user ViolentDiplomat in the previous bracket, "As tough and as badass as Andrew Jackson is, he's the Duke Blue Devil of this tournament. He has the easiest bracket ever." I can't help but agree with him. Jackson is an amazing contestant in this bracket, but hasn't really had the opportunity to show off. There's just so much badassery contained in this one man. Hell, he once killed a man for calling his wife a name. Dude is Crazy. With a capital C. I'd say Crazy was his middle name, but he was too badass for a middle name.
Gerald Ford would have made quite the formidable opponent, but once again that time limit is a killer. Ford only spent two full years in office, leaving Jackson with six minutes of unrestrained beating time. I don't care how much of a muscley meathead you are, six minutes of that crazy old bastard beating the hell out of you? Nobody is gonna survive that. Nobody.
We'll have to wait until the semi-finals to really see Jackson in action.
Winner:
Match #4: Abraham Lincoln vs. George Washington
As much as I like ol' Honest Abe, his limited time in office is finally catching up with him. Washington has a full four minutes on Lincoln. Ulysses S. Grant had the same time advantage in his fight with Lincoln, but Washington has one advantage he doesn't: he's a sleeper cell badass!
You wouldn't know it to just look at him, but Washington is just as much a badass as any other fighter in this tournament. That white wig hair? Just a ruse. Washington gains a great advantage by getting people to underestimate him and lower their guards. And when they do, it's all over. His blue eyes showed that of a kind romantic, but his fists in your face told otherwise.
Also of note: one of Lincoln's great advantages, his height, actually becomes a hindrance to him in this fight. Normally, a man of his stature gains an advantage with his long reach, but not this time. As was common during these times, the great minds of the New World were all eager inventors. Washington was no exception. While his contemporaries were inventing electricity and slavery, Washington was busy developing and refining... the uppercut. Yes, our first President was the original practitioner of the most popular of power punches. And he was damn good at it.
A tall man like Lincoln is the perfect target for an uppercut. After four minutes of wearing him down, it would only take one shot to Lincoln's chin to bring him down. His tactically-placed chinstrap beard would help soften the blow, but he's still getting punched in the jaw. He's going down. Or, well, up then down.
Winner:
And with that, we now have our final four! George H.W. Bush, Theodore Roosevelt, Andrew Jackson and George Washington. Next week begins the semi-finals! Tune in, non-sports fans!
How have your picks held up thus far?
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