From game-watching parties to office pools, nearly everyone is having fun getting in on the action. It's like a mini-Superbowl, although clearly not as good because basketball is boring as shit. The thing is, for those of us who couldn't give less of a crap about sports (eg: nerds), we totally miss out on all the fun of setting up brackets and making meticulous probability decisions on your team picks.
And nerds love that stuff!
So this is for you. A bracket tournament with a nerdy historical twist. Last week, we trimmed down our list of participants to 32 and set up our brackets. Let's take a look at those brackets again.
Click to enlarge.
Since the first round consists of 16 separate matches, we're gonna split it up into two weeks. Today's set will include the gentlemen on the left. Participants have been arranged in no specific order, so we'll see some interesting generational leaps in matches, like Bill Clinton vs. Thomas Jefferson.
Let's not waste any more time and just jump right in!
Match #1: John F. Kennedy vs. George W. Bush
Right from the get go, we have an extremely strong, but controversial match-up. JFK, of course, is one of the most beloved Presidents of all time whereas Bush is hated by the entire world. It's Democrat vs. Republican, a man who was assassinated vs. a guy who was almost killed by a pretzel.
That assassination is really what's gonna make this match a quick one. However hated Bush may be, he did serve a full two terms. JFK was killed after only two years in office. So according to rule #7, Bush pretty much gets free reign for six minutes. And Bush was in great physical shape during his Presidency. Mental shape, not so much, but physically he was at the top of his game. Hell, he spent more time at his ranch than the White House. The dude was active.
So for the second time, John will fall victim to the Kennedy Curse.
Winner:
Match #2: Benjamin Harrison vs. William Howard Taft
Benjamin Harrison is clearly the underdog of this entire competition. He only served one term, putting him at a disadvantage against a majority of the other participants, but god dammit if he isn't adorable. You just can't help but root for the guy. He was also relatively short, coming in at only 5'6." But as the old saying goes, it's not the size that counts, it's how well you use it to pleasure a woman. I'm not exactly sure what that has to do with one's stature in a fight, but it sounds fitting.
Taft also only served one term, so "Little Ben," as the Democrats referred to him, is on equal grounds time-wise. The match now comes down to pure physical prowess. Taft was a larger man, overweight by today's standards. He's often described as "jovial," which the New Oxford American Dictionary describes as:
- Endowed with or characterized by a hearty, joyous humor or a spirit of good-fellowship.
- Fat.
Winner:
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