What President Would Win in a Fight?

I've got a few favorite of my own, but I won't name anyone to avoid skewing the results. Post your picks, discuss advantages, etc. Let the beatdown begin!

This is going to be epic.

Round one picks
Kennedy (even though he's bad at dodging bullets)
Taft (TR once called him "a fathead with the brain of a guinea pig". I call him "fathead with built-in shock absorber)
Cleveland (Wilson will fail as hard as the League of nations did)
Hayes (military experience)
Truman (Coolidge was never even elected)
Teddy (It's self explanatory)
Jefferson (brilliant tactician)
Eisenhower (close fight, but he was a general)
Ford (Carter was a pussy)
Polk (Hoover is only good for lengthening a Depression)
Jackson (http://www.badassoftheweek.com/jackson.html)
Adams (no reason here)
Nixon (Tricky Dicky will stop at nothing)
Lincoln (will split Grant's head like a rail)
Obama (will clobber AJ with his beloved Constitution)
Washington (2-term advantage)

That was a long-ass post

On second thought, and after seeing your post on the matter, Bush Jr would beat Kennedy. Only by a little, because Kennedy has a height advantage)

In the final showdown between the last 2 remaining presidents. Frieza will win

As much as I hate to say it GWB beats JFK. JFK can't take a blow to the head, while GWB has nothing in there to begin with so not much damage would be done.

Lincoln, he's tall so he has a good reach and since he grew up in a log cabin I'm guessing he got used to doing physical labor. Plus he's the most powerful sorcerer ever.

I almost choked, because I was laughing so hard at your sorcerer comment.

Matt should put Lincoln up against Brad Pitt.

Fight Club is the shit.

I woulda said Washington or Obama, but ur sorcerer comment convinced me. lincoln is definitely winning this shit lol

I think it would be Theodore Roosevelt vs. George Washington at the end, and of course George Washington would win. I also like how you put Grant vs. Lincoln, the General who won the Civil War vs. the President who won the Civil War; Grant might win even though I don't want him to.

Barry would whoop Johnson, no lie. He's got genetics on his side and that fight or flight response is hardwired to fight. His dad is from Kenya. Come on. And he played sports. His only weakness is his smokers lung. As long as Obama doesn't run too much, he'll be fine.

JFK wins easily, Taft smothers Harrison, Wilson destroys Cleveland with tanks. H.W. neutralizes Hayes, Truman nukes Coolidge, Theodore calls upon his team of Rough Riders and slaughters Johnson, Clinton wins a close one with Jefferson, Reagan smashes Eisenhower. Carter beats Ford, Hoover deprives Polk of any hope, Jackson slaughters Madison, JQA wins a close one over Garfield. Nixon resigns and Van Buren moves on, Lincoln beats Grant, Obama baffles Johnson with change, and Washington decapitates Adams with his teeth of wood. And those are my round one picks.

i think nixon. he isnt afraid to fight dirty...

everyone else is all honest and stuff

Jackson nearly beat a man to death in Congress with a cane. What is wrong with you people?

This will be great!!!! :D

sadly, i'm not an american, so i'm not very familiar with most of them:D but JFK beats Bush easily in the first round. damn, i'm rooting for Billy:D

Jefferson beats Clinton. Sure they both had affairs, but Jefferson did it with a colored girl, takes balls of epic magnitudes to do something that risky back then.

Indeed. I think the top candidates for winner are:

1. Andrew Jackson: That mother fucker is invincible.
2. Theodore Roosevelt: Unbelievably badass.
3. Thomas Jefferson: As the wonderful gentleman above pointed out, TJ has epic balls.

im gonna put my money on either Teddy R. or Bill Clinton!!!

I think Adams should beat Washington just because of his arguement about the corrupt two-party system, but what would i know? i'm only a history major.

I'm a little surprised so many people are rooting for JFK to win. Politics aside, Bush was in office for eight years, whereas JFK was only in for two. With rule #7, that gives Bush six full minutes to bash away at Kennedy.

I don't think people are going by rules, it seems like they're going on their opinion of who was a better president.

I'm gonna have to side with Matt on this one. Six minutes of woopin' time. And besides, have you ever seen retard strength? Georgey wins hands down.

True, but JFK was the youngest President, so he has that youthful energy, which should let him dodge for those 6 minutes

JFK would summon the masses in order to let them beat up one of the most universally hated people, right after Osama Bin Laden and Grover from Sesame Street.

(this is totally legal: The Rules mention nothing about magical summons)

Woah. Don't take this out on Grover.

Obamas ratings actually dropped ALOT faster than bushs did ever! Plus look at the link on the first post about Jackson, that guy fought off the Brits at one battle in the war of 1812 by hiring pirtates. FUCKING PIRATES! this guy also fought in 103 duels and won every one of them! He was also a prisoner of war WHEN HE WAS 12. led several bayonett charges in many battles. beat a congressmen down for trying to shoot him TWICE. Jackson also fought fought with davy crockett, the fucking badass from the Alamo, Andrew Jackson WINS hands down

Based on rule #7 and the fact that JFK's head is a magnet for shots...I think Bush may just win on this one.

Reagan wins all. He can take the piss out of any one with a joke. He can power nap through anything, he can take a bullet, he's a member of the hollywood elite, he tore down the Berlin wall with his hands, he just overall owns all.

Top three choices for overall winner: Ike, Teddy, or Lincoln

I think Nixon would totally Pummel that van Buren one...

washington
reasoning: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0c06OWonD4

I must admit I had not thought of this. But I think Jackson can still win.

You know, you've got a point. "6 foot 20, fucking killing for fun" does sound like a guy who'd win this. Still, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p63Dvdrggns. You will see that even as a teen, Jackson was totally badass. Plus, he had sideburns.

Also, http://www.badassoftheweek.com/jackson.html.

With the link above, you have to delete the period at the end. Sorry.

http://www.badassoftheweek.com/jackson.html

You realize that in that badassoftheweek site, it states that Andrew Jackson would randomly go in to coughing fights in which he coughs up blood, right? Learn2Research. Truman had no serious health problems. Easy victory.

Correction: Teddy Rosevelt. The creator of the Rough Riders. Truman=fail.

JFK
Taft
Wilson
Hayes
Coolidge
Roosevelt
Clinton
Reagan
Carter
Hoover
Madison
Adams
Nixon
Lincoln
Obama
Washington
BAM!

I like how you think Madison could beat Jackson. You're funny

obama will get out in the first round. you cant beat Andrew Jackson, he won the Battle of New Orleans, was a war hero of the War of 1812, basically took over Florida, plus he is on the $20 bill, and obama is only on the $3

in the end, it will be Jefferson vs Jackson and Jefferson will win

yea andrew jackson has this all the way. who else can get shot, stay standing, and kill the other person?

agreed with zygulpy fuckin epic washington ... but nah im not american but Nixon has chances he is sneaky and bush father also sneaky as hell but if obama calls for his genetic ancestry he beat the crap out everyone hands down

*All rules above considered* Winners of each round below.

Round 1: Bush, Taft, Cleveland, H. W. Bush, Truman, Johnson, Jefferson, Reagan. Ford, Hoover, Jackson, Adams, Nixon, (OMG TOUGH CHOICE) Lincoln, Obama, Washington.

Round 2: Bush, H.W. Bush, Johnson, Reagan. Hoover, Jackson, Lincoln, Washington.

Round 3: (The Battle of the Bush) George W. Bush, Reagan. Jackson, (The Battle for the President's Day) Washington.

Round 4: Reagan. Washington.

Round 5: Washington!

Oh! Round 3 was supposed to be George H. W. Bush. He already fought all of his sons battles for him. Even though W. might have had more motivation to feel like he had something to prove by beating his father, H. W. would have easily won.

You know, as much of a badass Washington is, there is no way he would win against Jackson in a fist fight. I'm sorry, but even though Washington is all big and strong and just plain awesome like that, Jackson is a mother fucking lunatic. He'd punch straight through Washington, and then bite half of his face off just for good measure.

TR better win this shit. He was a badass.

My money is on Abe Lincoln to take it all the way. Being a Canadian, I didn't learn a whole lot about the American presidents, however, I do know that Abe Lincoln was one tough SOB, and huge. Go Abe.

I am totally going for James K. Polk. Why? Why not.

Teddy has this in the bag.... he is an all around real life bad ass... there is no way he would let anyone beat him

Jackson is totally badass, but he's also kind of a dick. Abe is, as Tyler Durden once said, a skinny guy with good reach and he will definitely fight to the death. Then of course Grant and Washington were both kickass generals, however there's not much strategy involved in hand-to-hand combat. Mostly reflexes, strength, and being a good judge of your opponent. So, honestly, I'm putting my money on Jackson. Even if he was a complete douche.

Also, Matt, question. How many minutes will Obama have to wait before he can start fighting? 7 minutes?

Oh, good question! I think Obama should get the benefit of the doubt and be credited for one term. No reason to think he won't finish, but re-election is another story.

I see. I suppose that's a good way to resolve things. Now, another question. Andrew Johnson, Obama's first opponent, also served only one term. Does this mean that they're going to be standing around for four minutes when the fight begins?

Exactly. Verbal harassment is still allowed of course.

With such insults as "Yo mamma is so poor, she gave herself a yeast infection because she couldn't buy bread!" Johnson would be in tears by the time the four minutes were up, and because Obama would have become a basketball player if he wasn't with his wife and he still plays so he would at least get into the semis.

Oh goody! I sense some racist jokes coming...

Yeah, I think that Obama may win this one out of belittling Johnson with talk about the impeachment attempts and the fact that many historians feel that Johnson was one of the worst presidents ever...then again, it may just cause some rage in Johnson and we'll see a good even brawl!

I believe Obama would beat Johnson because he is younger and more fit, but I don't think Jackson, though he is definitely a badass, would win the whole thing. One fight in which he goes into a coughing fit, as stated on Qwertylicious's reference at badassoftheweek.com, and he's done. Even if he's going against a noob like Johnson.

Lincoln vs Kennedy in the finals

teddy roosevelt as champion, no question

Obama vs Lincoln quarter finals?

Round 1:Bush 44, Harrison, Cleveland, Hayes, Truman, TR, Jefferson, Ike, Carter, Polk, Jackson, J.Q. Adams, Nixon, Lincoln, Obama, Washinton.

Round 2: Bush 44, Cleveland, Roosevelt, Jefferson, Polk, Jackson, Lincoln, Washington

Round 3: Bush 44, Roosevelt, Jackson, Washington

Round 4: Roosevelt, Jackson

Winner: Andrew Jackson(In epic fashion)
Considering the hundreds of duels he had during his life including during office, he's really the only guy really ready for this.

Round 1: JFK, Harrison, Cleveland, H.W. Bush, Truman, Roosevelt, Jefferson, Reagan, Ford, Polk, Jackson, Quincy Adams, Van Buren, Lincoln, Obama, Washington.

Round 2: JFK, H.W. Bush, Roosevelt, Reagan, Polk, Jackson, Lincoln, Washington.

Round 3: JFK, Roosevelt, Jackson, Washington.

Round 4: Roosevelt, Washington

Overall Winner: Theodore Roosevelt

Why is no one pulling for Grant? The man was a badass who destroyed the south single handledly, by rule seven he was in office for 8 years, and he's facing Lincoln who was only in office for just over 4. Lincoln has the the length sure but he's scrawny and he's gonna get beat on for four minutes by Grant who clearly has the power.

Actually, Sherman destroyed the south, but he didn't become a President, so that doesn't really matter. And Grant would most likely show up drunk, which would make Lincoln's job a whole lot easier.

Not necessarily. Alcohol can be a powerful tool in a fight.

How does it work for Obama since he hasn't had the chance to be President that long yet?

I guess it doesn't really matter seeing as if he beats Andrew Johnson he will go up against George Washington next and he will be slaughtered. (Since Obama's black and Washington's white would that be a hate crime?)

Also, I don't think enough people are giving GWB enough credit, did you see the way he dodged those shoes? He was like a ninja.

TR! That dude was a frickin' war hero!

I'd pick Obama but he hasn't finished a term
so, i go with Kennedy
"err-eh, ya going down...!"

Kennedy
Taft
Cleveland
Bush
Truman
Roosevelt
Jefferson
Reagan
Ford
Hoover
Jackson
Adams
Nixon
Lincoln
Obama
Washington

Those are my bets.

Nixon to win it all, he was not a crook, he was a super badass fighter!

Andrew Jackson would kick Barrack Obama's black ass. One's on the $20 Bill, the other won the Nobel Peace Prize just for sitting on his ass. Do the moneymaking math.

Teddy Roosevelt. Dude probable killed one of every animal on the planet and gave a speech after getting shot in the chest.

Andrew Jackson would give Teddy a run for his money I think.

I got my money on Teddy Roosevelt. He was a professional boxer, fought in two wars, was a total badass, and went on frequent safaris where he simply trekked through uncivilized terrain with just his braun.

That said, Lincoln has quite the chance as he was our tallest president, who would challenge political opponents to fights.

In the end though, I say it's Roosevelt vs Andrew Jackson.

Jackson was in a duel once, was shot in the cheat. Twice. Killed the other guy. Walked 10 miles home. Removed the bullets himself, and went on to become president. He's essentially invincible.

TR vs Jackson at the end, TR wins. That's my prediction

Only sane person on here

THEODORE FREAKIN ROOSEVELT. seriously. What other president begins to give a speech, GET'S SHOT IN THE CHEST, and then decides to finish his hour-and-a-half long speech before getting medical help. and he sumo wrestled. and fought bears. he wins. EVERY ROUND.

I'd have to say that Taft would win, just because of the recoil from each punch you place on him would probably break your arm. However, I could see T. Roosevelt landing an effective hit through Taft's, oh, say, 7 inches of fat.

I'm going to say Martin Van Buren, his sideburns could absorb most of the damage from a punch to the head, and from my sources he had a killer left hook.

Obama - big,black & already killed a fly with a bare hand!
Serious rival. gotta good chance to win

sorry but fuck twitter dude. now that that's outta the way...

Franklin Pierce was a fucking Brigadier General. Sure he may be boring. But the dude was a fucking Brigadier General and this whole damn thing is about fighting. Surely you could have picked someone else to drop like, oh I don't know James Polk. I would say George Bush but I get too much of a kick imagining him getting his ass handed to him. Wish you woulda paired him with Eisenhower though.

Round 1:

Bush beats JFK
Harrison beats Taft
Cleveland beats Wilson
Hayes beats H.W.
Truman beats Coolidge
Teddy MASSACRES Johnson
Clinton beats Jefferson
Eisenhower beats Reagan
Carter beats Ford
Polk beats Hoover
Jackson eviscerates Madison
John Quincy beats Garfield
Van Buren beats Nixon
Grant beats Lincoln
Obama beats Johnson
Washington beats Adams


Eventually, Teddy Roosevelt beats George Washington. The other 2 finalists are Andrew Jackson and James K. Polk/

But Lincoln and Grant were best buddies?

You should have the confederate president face the winner.

Dude. Woodrow fucking Wilson.

ROUND ONE! *ding ding*

John F. Kennedy < George W. Bush
Benjamin Harrison < William Howard Taft
Grover Cleveland > Woodrow Wilson
George H. W. Bush < Rutheford B. Hayes
Calvin Coolidge > Harry S. Truman
Lyndon B. Johnson < Theodore Roosevelt
Bill Clinton < Thomas Jefferson
Dwight D. Eisenhower < Ronald Regan
Jimmy Carter < Gerald Ford
James K. Pold < Herbert Hoover
Andrew Jackson > James Madison
John Quincy Adams > James Garfield
Richard Nixon < Martin Van Buren
Ulysses S. Grant < Abraham Lincoln
Barack Obama > Andrew Johnson
John Adams < George Washington

For sure, the two Bush's have to meet in battle for that father and son face off. George Washington and Andrew Jackson with have to reach the semi-finalles because they both fought in a war. I don't have any suggestions for the other semi-finallists. Some one else can come up with that.

My votes are for Woodrow Wilson, JFK, or Nixon to win the final battle. :3

People need to learn their history. It's either gonna be Teddy Roosevelt, who led the Rough Riders and was pretty much just a baddass, or Andrew Jackson, who would kill you with his stone cold stare. The man freaking took over Florida cuz he felt like it, and he killed his own potential assassin with his bare hands. No one else even comes close.

HONESTLY! OBAMA IS BLACK - NO ONE BETS AGAINST BLACK GUY IN A FIGHT

Taft sits on everyone who comes his way. In the final round, he swallows Andrew Jackson whole. Game over.

Ah, you make me laugh.

Honestly? I think that you should just throw them all into the ring with blindfolds and tell them that there is a loaded automatic rifle (or in case of older generations "automatic musket") in the center of the thunderdome BUTTT if I have to go by the rules... Reagan would win. Have you seen his skin? It's like creepy hard! Steel against bullets hard. Side note: Taft is so fat he would probably explode and die while killing his opponent.

Also. Roosevelt is the chuck norris of presidents. take that into consideration.

Chuck Norris would just walk in and win it anyway so there is no point in saying who would win.

I agree 4 422 days of awesomeness would beat the hee-haws out of Andrew Jackson in the final round. There will be more rounds right, pretty please? *pulls out knife*

Barrack vs Kennedy (Dude knew how to take a bullet) but Barrack would win because he is just too badass!

Theodore Roosevelt all the way. Considering I'm Canadian, I'll base my entire vote on an article I read in Cracked:

"While campaigning for a third term, Roosevelt was shot by a madman and, instead of treating the wound, delivered his campaign speech with the bleeding, undressed bullet hole in his chest."

"...This quote actually comes from a fellow politician at the time of Roosevelt's death: 'Death had to take him sleeping, for if Roosevelt had been awake there would have been a fight.'"

Teddy Roosevelt all the way
Reasoning: http://www.cracked.com/article_15895_the-5-most-badass-presidents-all-time_p5.html

&

http://www.cracked.com/article_16965_7-badass-animals-presidents-have-kept-as-pets_p1.html

Guy was badass as hell, even had a pet badger!

Matt! i'm slightly confused at all this... how does 44 - 11 = 32?

You're forgetting somebody! I leave it to you and everybody else to figure that out.

Also, i'm slightly disappointed.

Curse you Grover Cleveland.

He's a sneaky one ;)

Theodore Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson, one spent the majority of time dueling people for the fun of it and Teddy is a bad ass.

Ford shouldn't be in the bracket becuase he also got the presidency without being elected. He even got the vice presidency with out an election.

Lyndon B. Johnson!? he gave up on vietnam, how can he win a fight with his own two fists when he couldn't win a fight with the worlds most powerful military? personally I expect him to forfeit. also... Teddy Roosevelt was the most badass president ever!!!

andrew jackson all day. i did a research paper on him once and he was a straight up fighter

This isn't even a challenge. Teddy Roosevelt is going to kick the ever-loving shit out of everybody else so much it isn't even funny.

Credentials:

Mr. Crow postahn anonymous cause Twitter is gay.

1. Won a Medal of Honor for his actions in the Spanish-American War.

2. Had five bears at the White House.

3. Was once shot in the stomach before a speech. Went and delivered the speech anyway while bleeding.

4. Quote about his death: "Death had to take him sleeping. Otherwise, there would have been a fight." I think my balls just got a little bigger writing that.

Quarterfinals will be Kennedy vs. Roosevelt (Teddy sweeps all of the more dangerous guys on the left side, LBJ, Reagan, and Truman), and Andrew Jackson vs. Ulysses S. Grant (how people think gangly ol' Abe Lincoln is going to beat Ulysses "Skull Crusher" Grant, I don't know) --

Leading into the final of Roosevelt vs. Jackson. Jackson is an epic badass too, so this is about the most awesome fight in the universe. Unfortunately for Jackson, he's accustomed to dueling with pistols, while Teddy has the raw power of a cattleman in his hands. Teddy wrestles him to the ground and tears out his throat.

Roosevelt for the win. IF anybody doesn't give the win to either Roosevelt, Jackson, Grant, Washington, or Reagan, they're full of it.

i have my money on Jackson. actually, wait, Jackson is on my money.

Teddy R. is going to take this hands down, he wrestled lions in the safari, kicked Spanish ass in Cuba, and built the Panama canal with his bare hands plus he served two full terms, Lyndon Johnson won't be able to handle Teddy's mustached fury for the 3 minute handicap he has. I don't know if you did this intentionally but the match up of Bill Clinton and Thomas Jefferson is brilliant. Its only fair that the two most notorious playas of the White House slug it out

I'd say Teddy, Nixon, Eisenhower, or Coolidge for the win.

I'm pretty disappointed zachary taylor was excluded. sure, he died in office and all, but his freakin brain exploded! is there a more awesome sickness to die from? furthermore, http://badassoftheweek.com/taylor.html
that basically proves how awesome he was, and why he should be reinstated into the brackets (probably in place of the fatty Taft). also, i love obama as much as the next guy, but there is NO WAY he could stand up against andrew jackson, the d00d who won countless battles against superior enemies... in war, not against diversity

Carters gonna blind ford with his mega smile and advance to the 2nd round. meanwhile taft gets hungry while waiting for oppent to show and begins eating all other participants in thunderdome. when his hunger is satisfied only reagan, TR, Jackson,Clinton, and Nixon are left. the remaining presisent must combine their forces to defeat the horrible monster that is taft with an upset stomach

eisenhower organized D-day
enough said

it would obviously come down to Abe Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy because he was the most manly man in the history of manliness who also was a black belt in Ju-Jitsu, and Abe Lincoln for his wrestling background, strength, and reach. The Third place consolation match would be between JFK and George Washington. I'm picking Teddy for first, and JFK for third

lincoln should clearly win, have you never seen the ultimate showdown? :D

Lincoln over Grant in a close one, grant just doesnt have the reach or size advantage like Lincoln does.

Sorry, it would be T.R. and Andrew Jackson in the finals. Has any other president taken a shot to the chest and finished their speech regardless? Has any other president kicked asthma's ass? Has any other president smashed a double gun wielding cowboy's head off of a stove because he called him "four-eyes" and suggested he by him his next round? Has any other president explored an unknown river in the Amazon? NO. T.R. wins period.

JFK would pull a bay-of-pigs and Bush would pull a Iraq war; Bush
Taft would literally crush Harrison; Taft
Wilson would be a pussy like he was when he ended WWI; Cleveland
HW wins, idk why; HW
Truman + Bombs = Truman wins
LBJ is a Texan, and as such will not let Teddy win, Texans are too badass; LBJ
Clinton would seduce Jefferson into submission; Clinton
Reagan smash! Reagan wins
Carter and his peanuts beat up Ford; Carter
Hoover puts Polk into Hoover-villes and as a result wins
Andrew Jackson is a badass and shoots Madison
JQA wins by default because Garfield is now a pussy (get it?)
Nixon and his secretive ways win (its not illegal)
Honest Abe puts out an Emancipation Proclamation on Grant's ass. Grant worked for Abe!
Obama and his hope over power Johnson
Washington wins. I don't think that one even needs an explanation.

Round One Predictions:
Kennedy beats W. because of age advantage and military advantage; Kennedy
Taft, through his enormous girth, cushions all blows and eventually eats Harrison; Taft.
Wilson uses political prestige and Princeton education to overpower Cleveland; Wilson
H.W. vomits on Hayes, Hayes so disgusted he kills himself; H.W.
Truman uses Containment policy to overpower Coolidge; Truman
Teddy overpowers LBJ by sheer braun and badassery; TR
Clinton's a badass; Clinton
Eisenhower's massive retaliation sends Reagan into the star wars; Ike
Both Ford and Carter are pretty useless, but Ford wasn't elected, so Carter wins; Carter.
Hoover beats polk through serious honesty and causes a depression on Polk's ass; Hoover
Jackson beats Madison by being a foot taller and being a badass; Jackson
Garfield beats JQ; Q. Adams
Nixon plays dirty and wins using any means possible; Nixon
Honest Abe uses his wrestling expertise to manhandle Grant and win; Lincoln
Obama beats Johnson obviously; Obama
Washington beats Adams through height and braun difference; Washington.

Semifinals:
TR vs. Taft - Taft absorbs most blows but Teddy holds through - TKO on Taft, TR wins;
Jackson vs. Nixon - Nixon plays dirty but Jackson's a badass. Jackson wins.

in the end, TR wins.

final 2 are gonna be abe lincoln and jfk, and abe wins after about a 2 hour fight.

Reagan Smash!! ....... Reagan Smash!!

(Reagan to win)

G. W. Bush
Taft
Wilson
Hayes
Truman
Teddy Roosevelt
Jefferson
Eisenhower
Ford
Polk
Andrew Jackson
John Quincy Adams
Nixon
Lincoln
Andrew Johnson
Washington

Teddy Roosevelt.
http://www.cracked.com/article_15895_the-5-most-badass-presidents-all-time_p5.html

Well it's not the Polish president that's for sure!

>_>

<_<

Too soon?

Waaaaay too soon. Even I didn't laugh, and I can be a real asshole when it comes to humor.

the forefathers have to take this... not only were they diplomats they were warriors. they were blood-elf pally tanks. Washington, Jefferson, Adams FTW

W.
Harrison
Cleveland
H.W.
Truman
Roosevelt
Jefferson
Reagan
Carter
Hoover
Jackson
Adams
Buren
Lincoln
Johnson
Washington
because i randomly picked without much(any) thought

Reagan was shot and GOT RIGHT BACK UP!
Badass. He was like, "Bring it on..."

Maggie Thatcher would take your milk... Crap, forgot we were talking about america.

Hey if you want to talk about Prime Ministers, Churchill would kick everyone's ass lol.

Maggie Thatcher?

Nahhh, if it was leaders of England (Not just Prime ministers) I would choose Borris Johnson, he's such an epic fail people would take pity on him and he would win. Hey thats how he got to be mayor of London after all =]

JFK should beat W. fairly easily. JFK was younger, spryer, and set up the chain of events that brought us to the moon. That has to count for something

I'm gonna play the "I'm canadian" card too (but still, I had a US History Class!). So maybe, my choices aren't the best...

JFK > W. Bush (Right, he has a 4 minute advantage, but JFK was young AND made war. Bush is a pussy)
Harrison < Taft (Close fight)
Cleveland < Wilson (WWI ain't nothing)
H. W. Bush > Hayes
Coolige < Truman
Roosevelt > Johnson (Johnson's down before he can fight back)
Clinton > Jefferson (Younger)
Ike > Reagan (Maybe older, but surely has secret moves)

Carter > Ford (Only because he had the 2 minutes advantage)
Hoover < Polk (He wil krach his face)
Jackson > Madison
Q. Adams > Garfield
Nixon > Van Buren
Grant > Lincoln (Sure, Lincoln was a monster, but consider that he has a 4 minutes disadvantage, he was shot in the head and Grant fuckin' won the Civil War!!!)
Obama > Johnson
Washington > Adams

We'll see later for the second round, but it might end up with Washington winning out of Roosevelt

Dubya: JFK's a pretty boy
Taft: His blubber would protect him from any attack
Wilson: He has an alliterative name
GHWB: No one on the plnet has ever heard of Rutherford B Hayes, he must be a loser
Coolige: He has an aliterative name
Roosevelt: He was a hunter
TJ: Badass
Reagan: Badass

Ford: Carter was a pussy
Hoover: He had an aliterative name
Andrew Jackson: He was tall, so he had good reach
John Adams:Anyone can beat up a freakin cat
Nixon: He is fighting a guy with a French sounding name, French people cant fight.
Grant: War-hero
Obama: B-baller has athletic skillz.
Washington: No one would want to beat up the father of our country

1.Kennedy.
2.Taft. His fat would absorb any punch. Also, he could just fall and crush Harrison.
3.Wilson. Twelve-Punch knockout.
4.Hayes. H.W. would've assisted Hayes before the fight.
5.Truman.
6.Roosevelt. He is an expert boxer and hunter.
7.Clinton.
8.Reagan.

9.Ford
10.Polk.
11.Madison
12.Adams.
13.Nixon. Nixon would send spies to Van Buren's fight talk and steal his strategy.
14.Grant. While Lincoln led the Union, Grant led the Union army. It would be a bittersweet battle to watch.
15. Barack. Enough said.
16. Washington. He'd cut him in the cherry tree.

I don't like twitter, and I'm not going to sign up for it just to post this one comment. Also, sure Andrew Jackson was a cold blooded killer, but he had an unhealing wound from that shot in the chest, so he was kinda a cripple. Also this battle was a great idea.

How can anyone pick Taft? Guy was a major fatty.

He reminds me of Santa

Teddy to semi-finals, after a badass, almost deathmatch with Ike, where he nails Bush Sr. to the floor. Bush Senior, btw's just got done teaching his son a thing or two. In that final round of epic, we will see Andrew Jackson facing off with The Yellowstoner, with unclear results.

Top three choices:
Taft (Because he's fat)
Reagan (Cuz he's Reagan)
Clinton (cuz he's a playa)
Bush Jr (he reminds me of grandma)
And Obama (no, not because he's black (yes it is))

BUT MY #1 CHOICE
IS
CARTER!!!!
CARTER ALL THE WAY BITCHES!!!

Umm... Top three?

Fine, 9

i think abe lincoln would take it....i read somewhere that he use to be a hardcore boxer.

Kennedy - Had a dicky back, but at least didn't pussy out and join the air national guard.
Harrison - Come on guys, Taft was so fat he got caught in a bathtub.
Cleveland - both no good in the ring, but Wilson wouldn't have the guts to really fight for it.
Hayes - Hands-down, he was a badass.
Truman - Cussed like a sailor and got French soldiers to fight instead of run away.
Johnson - Just looks meaner.
Jefferson - Probably had a wicked right hook.
Reagan - Movie stars have bad tempers.
Ford - Carter couldn't fight off a RABBIT.
Polk - toned up beating slaves
Jackson - Got native americans to attack white settlements just as an excuse to fight.
Adams - Stares at Garfield until Garfield's face explodes.
Buren - Nixon disqualified for using a cigar.
Grant - I cannot tell a lie, this man has NO FEAR.
Obama - Younger blood; street cred.
Adams - Beat Washington before.

come on roosevelt would kick all of their butts even in the wheelchair he'd pwn them all

never mind teds still in all goods

I think Bush Jr. has a good chance of doing very well based off his reflexes. Remember how he dodged that shoe? And how he dodged all those questions about Iraq? Nobody can touch the man.

Round one I think will be
Kennedy
Taft
Wilson
George H. W. Bush
Truman
Roosevelt
Jefferson
Reagan
Carter
Polk
Jackson
Adams
Nixon
Lincoln
Johnson
Washington

On a side note, Johnson was pretty hardcore.

Dude. Harry S all the way. By the way, Mr-know-it-all-Matt, his middles name was "S", thus making the period after it incorrect. How badass is that?! Plus, he knows when he's gotta pull out the big guns. Obama would just force the "rich" to fight for him. Commy.

Hey, I've read his wikipedia article, too! You're right, his middle name was just "S," but you still abbreviate it when writing it out.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_S._Truman

Bush
Taft
Willson
Bush
Coolidge
Roosevelt
Jefferson
Reagen
Carter
Polk
Jackson
Garfield
Nixon
Lincoln
OBAMA
Washington

Dubyah would barely beat kennedy, but he makes it through.
Taft would absolutely trash Harrison.
Cleveland over Wilson: Wilson spent too much time on his education and was a complete and total pussy.
Meh. I'll take Hayes over Bush Sr.
Coolidge would beat Truman hands down. There was a reason he didn't talk much. and that's because He's a ninja.
Teddy would kick anyone's ass.
TJ would rip clinton's balls off. WITH HIS BARE HANDS.
I'll take Eisenhower over Reagan. Eisenhower was a tactical genius.
Carter vs. Ford: Do I actually have to pick this one? They're both pussies.
Polk vs. Hoover: I'll take Polk. No one expected him to be elected anyways and Hoover was a dumbass.
Jackson, easily. Dude was a fucking badass.
I'll take JQA in this one, but it's a toss up.
Lincoln over Grant. Grant was a drunk. He'd be too wasted to fight.
Obama over Johnson. Johnson was a total pussy.
Washington over Adams. Easily.

Polk totally beats Hoover. Hoover was a stuffy engineer, and Polk was the only president with a mullet. 'Nuff said.

this is "anonymous" because i believe im too young for twitter:

JFK vs George W -> JFK: he's a swimmer

Harrison vs Taft -> Taft: not even a bathtub can stop the Taftinator.

G Cleveland vs W Wilson the First(WWI) -> Cleveland: mustache

Papa Bush vs RB Hayes -> George H W Bush: military past

Calvin C vs Harry T -> Harry Truman: he gets serious when the fighting starts.

LBJ vs Teddy Roosevelt -> Teddy: the big stick's just for show

Bill Clinton vs Thomas Jefferson -> Thomas Jefferson: his youthiness

Dwight D Eisenhower vs Ronald Regan -> General Eisenhower: military experience

Jimmy Carter vs Gerald Ford -> Ford: football

James K Polk vs Hoover -> Polk: he's just badass. just look at him

Andrew Jackson vs James Maddison -> AJ: he grew up on the streets

John Quincey Adams vs. Garfield -> Garfield: I cant see JQAdams in a fight.

Nixon vs Van Buren -> Nixon: he's a crook in the ring

Ulysses S Grant vs Abraham Lincoln -> Grant: he's a man of action. though it was a hard choice.

Obama vs Johnson -> Obama: Johnson would greatly underestimate Obama.

John Adams vs George Washington -> George Washington: he just won't lose...

Theodore Roosevelt was a boxer and a Rough Rider. He'll kick LBJ's ass!!!

Andrew Jackson FTW

Predictions:
Kennedy vs. Bush: Kennedy
Harrison vs. Taft: Harrison
Cleveland vs. Wilson: Cleveland
Bush Sr. vs. Hayes: Bush
Coolidge vs. Truman: Coolidge
Johnson vs. Roosevelt: Roosevelt the badass
Clinton vs. Jefferson: Clinton
Eisenhower vs. Reagan: Eisenhower
Carter vs. Ford: Carter
Hoover vs. Polk: Hoover
Jackson vs. Madison: Jackson
Quincy Adams vs. Garfield: QAdams
Nixon vs. Van Buren: Van Buren, but only because we're related
Grant vs. Lincoln: GENERAL Grant
Obama vs. Johnson: The black dude
Adams vs. Washington: Washington

ROUND 2:
Kennedy vs. Harrison: Kennedy
Cleveland vs. Bush: Cleveland
Coolidge vs. Roosevelt: Roosevelt
Clinton vs. Eisenhower: Eisenhower
Carter vs. Hoover: Hoover
Adams vs. Jackson: Jackson
Van Buren vs. GENERAL Grant: GENERAL Grant
Obama vs. Washington: Obama

ROUND 3:
Kennedy vs. Cleveland: Kennedy
Roosevelt vs. Eisenhower: Roosevelt
Hoover vs. Jackson: Jackson
Grant vs. Obama: GENERAL Grant

ROUND 4:
Kennedy vs. Roosevelt: Kennedy
Jackson vs. Grant: GENERAL Grant

ROUND 5:
Kennedy vs. Grant: Kennedy

Kennedy wins!

You were spot on until round 4. Even GENERAL Grant would get his ass kicked halfway to hell by Jackson. As for Kennedy-Roosevelt, there's no competition. Teddy would beat Jack down.

The Final of Roosevelt vs. Jackson could really go either way, but I'm gonna put my Jacksons on Jackson.

Andrew Jackson will beat the god damn shit out of everyone. He was a god damn psycho

I admit I only know 1 US President: Obama.

On the other hand I know almost every past King / Queen of England... not that that would be much help.

ahh yes matt epic indeed. Round 1 picks:
Kennedy
Taft
Bushy Jr. (i swear he'd find a way to win)
Coolidge (straight up G)
Teddy Roosevelt (dude has teddy bears named after him, but he's a freakin badass. he'd tear it up in the thunderdome.)
Bill Clinton (the power of the BJ prevails over TJ)
Next one's a toughie...but Reagan takes it. Eisenhower just doesnt have it in him.
Gerald Ford
Herbie!
Stonewall over Madison
James Garfield over Adams...Adams is too nice. He'd spend the whole time trying to convince Garfield to bring peace to Palestine. Hopeless cause.
NIXON!!!!!!!!!!
OOoh.....tough one...but the General gets this one...Ulysses S. Grant. Plus, Kevin Kline is one badass Grant. And Abe died in the theatre...poor tall bastard.
Barack Obama over Johnson....I can't help but think that "the rock" obama would make an appearance...
And good old wood teeth over Adams.

Actually, Washington's dentures were made of ivory and set with gold, and sometimes the springs were also gold. The wooden teeth legend is a widespread misconception.

Kennedy
Taft
Cleveland
Hayes
Truman
Ted
Clinton (smooth-talker)
Eisenhower
Ford
Jackson
Garfield
Nixon
Lincoln
Obama
Washington

Does the fucking annoying "I like Ike" song count as a weapon?

MATT! How could you eliminate Mckinley? He SURVIVED his own assasination! MADNESS I say! MAADDNESSS!

"God forbid we should ever be twenty years without such a rebellion....Let them take arms. The remedy is to set them right as to facts, pardon and pacify them. What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure." -Thomas Jefferson

Jefferson would go far, man was ruthless.

Top 4 strictly for fighting ability has to be Washington, Jackson, Roosevelt, and Jefferson. Not all my favorites but Jackson would win duels by allowing himself to get shot, can't really beat that. Jefferson was freaking blood thirsty. Roosevelt took on big game for fun, not to be underestimated plus "Speak softly and carry a big stick", that about says it all. Then there is Washington, never count that man out, he just doesn't lose.

Washington, first in the presidency and first in my heart. Washington takes it all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbRom1Rz8OA

Jackson, Grant, Lincoln, and Eisenhower are my top 4. Too bad Grant and Lincoln face off right away.

Round of 32:
1. Bush's time advantage is just too much for JFK to overcome.
2. Taft's size is too great for an aging (66) Harrison.
3. Just look at a picture of these two, Cleveland has at least a hundred pounds on Wilson, and also, just plain wants it.. the man was elected twice, but in non-consecutive terms!
4. Hayes couldn't even win the popular vote, and grew up with no father; H.W. was the youngest aviator in the whole Navy.. no contest, easy victory for the elder Bush.
5. Truman uses 2 minute advantage, plus WWI background to put Coolidge down.
6. The Teddy Bear mauls LBJ. Definite early favorite to win it all.
7. Jefferson outsmarts Clinton to eek out a first round victory.
8. The 5-star general puts the hammer down on the actor. Ike easy.
9. Former football player at Michigan Gerald Ford repeatedly tackles ancient peanut farmer Carter.
10. Small, wiry, and quick, James K Polk does his best Andrew Jackson impression to pull of the upset of the larger and slower Hoover.
11. Old Hickory lays out James Madison before you can say Federalist #10, leaving a trail of tears in his wake.
12. Garfield the Cat would probably defeat JQA in this battle, and Major General Garfield doesn't even mind that he has to wait 3 and a half minutes to attack. A swift kick in the chops fells Adams.
13. Richard Nixon uses his skills acquired during his tour in the Navy, as well as his willingness to bend the rules whenever necessary, to handle Martin Van Boring.
14. Lincoln-Grant is probably the toughest first round match-up. Lincoln has plenty of reach, grew up on a farm splitting logs for fence rails, and once grabbed a man by his neck and trousers and "threw him" for bothering his supporters. Grant is big, bad, and an alcoholic. He gets a three-minute pounding period to start with, but it may be possible for Lincoln to hold him at arms length to prevent any blows. In the end, Grant's drunkenness is a problem for him, as he stumbles into a wicked chop across the neck from Lincoln and never recovers.
15. Johnson was old, nobody liked him, and he was impeached before impeaching was cool. Obama is young, hip, and the first black president to ever admit to using cocaine. He has an above average jump shot and is pretty tall. Johnson would never have been president without succeeding Lincoln. Obama just waits out the first three minutes and then punishes Johnson for the mess he made of Reconstruction.
16. To make things fair, Washington elects to forgo his 4 minute advantage, then knocks the powdered wig off Adams balding head. To celebrate he bites the top off a Samuel Adams Lager with his wooden teeth and doesn't share a drop.

Sweet 16:
Bush outlasts Taft
H.W. drops bombs on Cleveland to set up father-son duel
Roosevelt rides roughly over Truman
Eisenhower is too much for Jefferson
Ford pounds Polk
Jackson obliterates Garfield in the first 30 seconds
Honest Abe forces Nixon's resignation
Washington never gives Obama a Hope

Elite 8
W runs away from this fight just like his military service, H.W. seeks and destroys his own son
T.R. started his own party and called it the Bull Moose party, he gore's Ike with his antlers and moves on.
Jackson comes out swinging, but the old man is worn down by the timeless Ford, and the only president to not be elected president or vice-president shows the chip on his shoulder and defeats Old Hickory.
Lincoln's youth serves him well, as he emancipates himself from Washington's headlock before proclaiming himself the victor with a wicked roundhouse.

Final Four:
Roosevelt just keeps getting stronger, and Bush can't make it out of the first four minutes.
Abe puts Ford down just as quickly.

The Presidential Beatdown concludes as Roosevelt wears Lincoln down during his 3 minutes of disadvantage time, then finishes him off as Lincoln is distracted by the sounds of his insane wife yelling instructions from the sidelines. Theodore Roosevelt is the ultimate victor of Presidential Beatdown

You know, I don't care if FDR had polio. You had to take him out because he served for 12 years. He has four minutes on anyone, so you had to take him out. Otherwise he would ram his opponent to death in four minutes with his wheelchair...unless you said he couldnt use his wheel chair.

But, because he is out, I have to say my top six picks are Eisenhower(badass general. He took out the Nazis), Teddy(he wore glasses, but he loved a good fight), Obama(young, black, and athletic), Jackson(crazy mofo as all have said), Grant(drunken brawler), and Lincoln(giant and ripped frontier man)
So, now it gets hard because Lincoln v. Grant is first. Grant wins cause he has four minute start.
For Roosevelt v. Eisenhower, sadly, Eisenhower was a very old man. So Roosevelt wins.
Grant v. Obama, Grant again has 4 minute lead. But, Obama is very young, and as long as he could stand his smokers lung for 4 or 5 minutes, he could avoid a drunken brawler's lunges. Plus, Grant may have passed out from all the alcohol.
Jackson v. Obama is very difficult, because even though Jackson was badass, he was very old when he was a president. 60 year old badass geezer isnt as impressive. So Obama probably will win. Maybe.
Regardless of this, either one has to go against the fairly young, 8 year president of Theodore Roosevelt. Teddy wins.


*Scientific reasoning at its best*

You know, I just realized something. Andrew Jackson was 62 when he entered office. And according to rule number 1, he'll be squaring off in the finals against a 43 year old Roosevelt. Then again, Jackson nearly beat his assassin to death when he was in his mid-sixties. So, in my opinion, that raises a question. Can he really pull it off against a man of lesser badassery (not by much) if he's 20 years older?

I don't care how it happens but the final match up has to be Teddy Roosevelt vs Andrew Jackson

I have no idea who would win

This. For sure. And Jackson vs Roosevelt would be a badass battle of the ages.

George W. Bush (Everybody hated him, so he's got to have rage built up.), William Taft (bigger=better), Woodrow Wilson (He can channel preacher rage into fighting rage), Rutherford Hayes (The older Bush can't be a smart fighter, just look at his kids. And wife), Harry Truman (Could drop an atomic FIST. Plus Coolidge was too quiet), Jefferson (Clinton can't lie his way out of this.), Ronald Reagan (Scariest motherfcker to every take office. Just listen to Lewis Black.) Jimmy Carter (Farmer strength), Herbert Hoover (See GWB's reason.), Andrew Jackson (Look what he did to the Indians.), John Quincy Adams (With the knowledge of his father he could win!), Richard Nixon (Van Buren is how tall?), Abe Lincoln (He is how tall?), Barack Obama (Younger.), Washington (General badass.)

JFK would for sure lose to Bush. Bush dodged two shoes and JFK cant even dodge a bullet, what a loser

Now i think we are forgeting an important part of this whole scheme. we have to take in the fact the the republicans are bound to fight dirty.

They say that Lincoln could hold a ten-pound sledge hammer straight out with one arm without shaking at all.

Win much?

Washington will destroy Adams, hands down. He's fucking Washington.. Hasn't anyone seen the video? He kills for fun.

Lincoln vs. Grant is a pretty tough one. I want to say Lincoln, because he does have the whole height thing, and was a total badass, but Grant was also pretty amazing. I think I have to go with Grant, as Lincoln would want to settle things peacefully and diplomatically, and therefore would get taken down pretty quickly.

I'd say that Obama might win this shit, since he could run the hell out of all those old guys.

My Round 1 Picks. :D


Dubya because he's a tTexan. and there pricks. Harrison over Taft. Wilson over Clevland because he was in cast away. Rutheford B hayes due to the name Rutheford, over H.W. bush. Truman over Coolidge. Roosevelt bc he's a bear. Jefferson bc he had the balls to do a African American during his time. And Eisenhower over Reagen. Gerald Ford over Carter, bc i am from Michigan i have to go with the home State hero. Herbert hoover over Polk because he has a dam. Hot damn. Andrew Jackson beats Madison. Quincy Adams loses to Garfield bc of his last name. Martin van Buren beats Nixon. Another home state hero (van Buren) not from here, but a county is named after him. Lincoln was a wrestler back in the day, and he has a BA hat. So he beats Ulysses. Obama brings hope and beats Johnson. And lastly John Adams gets his short ass kicked by Washington and his cherry tree choppin ways.

lincoln was apparently a national champion "wrestler." and he was just pure fucking beast. my pick to take home the silverware. Obama loses just for going to Occidental College.

lincoln was a national champion "wrestler." And, he was just pure fucking beast. Obama loses simply for going to Occidental College. wtf is that?

Bush
Taft
Wilson
Bush
Truman
Roosevelt
Jefferson
Eisenhower
Ford
Hoover
Jackson
Adams
Nixon
Lincoln
Obama
Washington

Bush
Taft
Wilson
Hayes
Truman
Roosevelt
Clinton
Reagan
Carter
Hoover
Jackson
Garfield
Nixon
Lincoln
Obama
Washington

My final two come down to Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson. I mean, without his cane, though, I don't think Jackson will be able to take out Teddy. He is a cowboy, after all.
If Jackson gets his cane, though... Does a cane count as a weapon? Or part of him?

{ Also, this presidential bracket is the best thing anyone has ever thought of. Ever. It's brilliant, and it made me insanely happy when I saw it. Thank you for making my day. c: }

Granted, Jackson was 62 at the beginning of his term, but seriously--the man was a goddamn ninja. What did James Madison ever do? The War of 1812? Pshaw, I say. Shit was just the overflow from the Napoleonic Wars, anyway. D<

Bush for dodging a shoe
Taft for being so fat
Cleveland
Rutherford - Bush Sr was just too old when elected
Truman - he ZAXes baby
Theodore Roosevelt - Should go the distance, if not the finals easily
Clinton
Eisenhower would "rollback" Reagan... anyone?
Jimmy Carter- he's sucha nice guy...
Hoover- let him have his day
Jackson- all the way to the semis at least
JQA
Nixon- Only if he has Kissinger ringside
Lincoln- To the semis it's too bad he has to take out Grant though.
Obama
Washington

I see Obama and Abe in the quarterfinals at least. However, no doubt about it, the Final Uberbattle is an epic showdown between Andrew Jackson and Teddy Roosevelt. Too close to call I think. And sorry for the Anon post Matt, but I'm not a twitter fan.

Really cool, but shouldn't Woodrow Wilson be taken out? During his presidency he got really sick, and was unable to do things properly. Literally, the U.S. was without a president for those months he was sick. His wife was said to have actually taken control and even making decisions for certain things. Like saying the ," president says yes...."
Seriously though, it'll be a funny fight. Since his wife practically did everything for him, I'm afraid she might jump into the fight too.

People forget that Eisenhower was the supreme commander of SHAEF. I mean, he commanded the armies of fucking England AND Russia! I'm sure he'd try to fight on his own, but if things looked grim he'd call Stalin and promise him Berlin in exchange for one or two psychotic Spetsnaz operatives to back him up.

But when considering physical fighting, I think Bush the younger (he's not actually a junior) would progress for a while only to be beaten to a pulp by Jackson (though a racist imperialist asshole, he was a tough motherfucker).

In turn, Jackson would get beaten by Lincoln (He's got a long reach and as much physical power as Jackson stored up in that lanky body. I mean, Lincoln was a lumberjack at one point. Fucking. Lumberjack.)

Grant shows up riproaring drunk and ready for a fight. By an insane stroke of luck, he suffocates Lincoln by smothering him via beard.

And then Coolidge shows up out of nowhere and pwns. Because he's a fucking ninja. Get it? Because he was considered quiet or whatever? Yeah, you get it...