I WROTE A BOOK, YOU GUYS!
The following is an excerpt from Dracula is a Racist: A Totally Factual Guide to Vampires, my very first book, available in April!
From vampires being able to do their hair without reflections to regular people dressing in all black and acting snobby to fake being a vampire, you'll find everything you could ever possibly want to know about the world of blood-suckers.
Get more information over here!
Slayers Today
Nowadays, those who dedicate themselves to pursuing and killing vampires are often shunned by their peers. Saying you hunt vampires doesn't exactly bode too well for social acceptance. Slayers also travel often and are thus usually unable to form any serious relationships should the opportunity even arise. This solitary lifestyle, along with its supernatural aspects, becomes extremely attractive to flocks of lonely nerds.
These desperate dorks actually come in quite handy when teams are being put together.
A slayer team works together as a cohesive group, hunting vampires in a more organized, militaristic fashion. These teams can range anywhere from duos to large group operations. Most consist of around five people and include a certain core of characters, each with a certain specialty:
- The fearless leader: Every team requires leadership, someone to plan attacks and make tough decisions. The leader is also usually a little bit of an asshole.
- The ex-military weapons expert: The resident gear head and gun nut. He has a short temper but bottles it up and takes it out on vampires.
- The chick: She has a rough exterior but secretly hides her feelings for their fearless leader.
- The computer/science nerd: He wouldn't stand a chance in a fight, but he can make some awesome high-tech gadgets to help against vampires.
- And the token black guy.
Slayer teams work a lot like orgies: you can get it done on your own, but everything is better with a few more people thrown into the mix. If those people aren't doing what they're supposed to, though, things can get pretty nasty.
Finding people with similar interests is hard enough. Finding qualified people is even harder. You can't exactly take an ad out in the newspaper. Craigslist is even worse. Out of all the people that reply, about 5 percent are generally interested, but underqualified. The other 95 percent are just guys sending in pictures of their dicks.
Slayer Team Needs Chick Member
Date: 2009-03-12, 10:32PM PDT
Our vampire-slaying team needs a female member!
As the team's leader, you will likely end up sleeping with me. Preferably be tall, blonde and leggy. Also, if you've got a hot friend to bring along that'd be cool.
No fatties please.
Date: 2009-03-12, 10:32PM PDT
Our vampire-slaying team needs a female member!
As the team's leader, you will likely end up sleeping with me. Preferably be tall, blonde and leggy. Also, if you've got a hot friend to bring along that'd be cool.
No fatties please.
- Location: San Diego
- It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services
Slayer
Possibly the longest-standing and most well-known slayer team of all time, the aptly-named Slayer was formed in 1981 in Huntington Park, California, a known vampire hot spot at the time. Today, the city is completely devoid of any vampire activity whatsoever.
The group was formed when guitarist/vampire hunter Kerry King met Jeff Hanneman while auditioning for another slayer team. The two recruited bassist/vocalist/vampire hunter Tom Araya, who had slain with King in the past. The last member, Dave Lombardo, was recruited after he met King while delivering pizzas.
The team is an unconventional one: they don't have a nerdy computer guy, a female or a token black guy—just four badass dudes. It also doesn't use any of the conventional weaponry of a normal slayer team, relying solely on the power of thrash metal.
Weapons of Choice
Slayer single-handedly opened up the possibilities for what can be used to kill a vampire. The four of them never used anything except their musical instruments—guitars, bass, drums and screaming.
Famous Kills
While not an individual kill, the method used is quite notable. Slayer is able to perform music so heavy that it compels the people around them to form mosh pits. The raw power of a Slayer mosh pit has laid waste to many over the years.
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