Stop Crying

Mar. 17, 2010

64 Comments

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Anonymous
2 years ago

First.

don't cry like a bitch just because i'm Anonymous!

MattMelvin "Head Robot" [∞ posts]
2 years ago

NO "FIRST" POSTS!

BenjyMiIIer [4 posts]
2 years ago

You know what would be really cool? If everyone just started naming off what comment number they had! This might be the greatest idea of all time! All time!

Seriously though, it's stupid. Stop being a little bitch and make a real comment. I found this very humorous, Matt. Great work as always.

jasonsaied [10 posts]
2 years ago

oh god people are doing "first" posts. I wonder how long it'll be before everyone starts replying to the first post so other people will read their comments? Matt I recommend you stop us from commenting on comments before it's too late.

zeHobocop [4 posts]
2 years ago

First posters are ALL little bitches.

Tominator5000 [10 posts]
2 years ago

YOU MUST BE BANISHED FROM MINE GLORIOUS KINGDOM OF MATTLAND (aka Robots with Feelings)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous
2 years ago

no! now i'm sucked in too! i have to reply! save ussssss...

Anonymous
2 years ago

To all those people who wasted the valuable time I spent looking for humorous insight on the comic by hitching about the first poster:

Fuck You

And to those who will waste other's time by posting a bitchy response to this post:

Delete your Twitter account. You don't deserve it.

Glotty [7 posts]
2 years ago

"First": A comment usually spouted by those that have little to be proud of in life and so venture forth to claim internet victory, well done stallion, you made us proud.

Anonymous
2 years ago

another good tip is that you can prevent yourself from crying by melting your eyes

HomelessZombie [3 posts]
2 years ago

The onion kind of looks like my testicle when I squeeze it tight.... Fourth??

Anonymous
2 years ago

That's some funny sheet.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Posting a first comment also makes you a little bitch.

"The more you know."

EnekoPinilla [6 posts]
2 years ago

Ha, this site is already getting full of "first" posts!

Anonymous
2 years ago

lol crying is good sometimes ... and ... sixth? xD just joking

Anonymous
2 years ago

I'm posting as anon cause Im a little bitch.

REPORT.

Eliisinsane [3 posts]
2 years ago

maybe you should make one of these about the internet assholes who need the self gratification of being the first to post?

Anonymous
2 years ago

but posting first makes you uber1337!!

Anonymous
2 years ago

i tried it and it still got tears in my eyes the gum didnt work for me oh well back to my video games

Draithy [50 posts]
2 years ago

I think those "first," etc., comments are why Kris disabled his on dA... Heh. Sad!

But... what if... uhm... I like being a bitch?.. Is it just my size that matters? What if I'm a BIG bitch? :D

Anonymous
2 years ago

As we say here in Brazil:
I Fucked the FIRST's ass!
asshole --'

_rawrcutie_ [116 posts]
2 years ago

Haha.. and you know what I find ironic?
Everyone saying "Stop posting 'first comments'" are, technically, wasting the comments like the people who posted "first!" in the FIRST place... did that make sense?

Anyways, I don't cry when chopping onions. They cry! >_>

Anonymous
2 years ago

Holy Crap!!! I didn't know that Chuck Norris was on this site

MattMelvin "Head Robot" [∞ posts]
2 years ago

Well, hopefully the people posting "first" comments will realize how much everyone around here loathes them and they'll just stop. The end justifies the means.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Just don't feed the trolls... there will be ALWAYS first's and shopped's and all those things... just ignore them... be the smart guy :P

Shelou3 [6 posts]
2 years ago

Last post!!

No wait, o_o" shit.

lurkthegnar [2 posts]
2 years ago

Whats the science behind this?

Anonymous
2 years ago

i've never cried when i've chopped onions before....fuck twitter, i will never accept twitter it's a pointless fucking thing

Lokrath [2 posts]
2 years ago

Ingenious as ever. I can't possibly see how you have time for C&H, Robots With Feelings and writing a book, and all the while having a good social life. :P
Kudos for you, mate.
This is what we say about you here: "D�sken hainn st�ike, du e tall�ntfoillj!" ^^

Anonymous
2 years ago

Which is the reason that he's the best of the C&H group. Though, the others are also pretty high on the awesome scale.

nickygbaby [5 posts]
2 years ago

lmao great job! Matt Melvin ftw! haha even look at my twitter picture

MattMelvin "Head Robot" [∞ posts]
2 years ago

YAAAAAAAY

Anonymous
2 years ago

Dude, such a champ comic. And it's easy not to cry when you cut onions, you just have to have testicles to do it, and just remember that you're a man, and men don't cry. ever. Unless something really sad happens, but otherwise... yeah.
Or you could smoke some weed first. I've never done it, but it would probably make the experience a lot more fun.

hamstatler19 [24 posts]
2 years ago

Or dangerous. Unless you use a SLAP CHOP! O_O
But wait, you wouldn't cry anyway using one of those.... Oh well. >>'

jroberts2010 [98 posts]
2 years ago

I like to think that I'm not crying because I'm peeling onions, but rather the onion is peeling itself and the only thing I can do to block out the vulgar self-inflicted suicide is use my tear ducts to create a barrier between my eyes and the bad man masturbating infront of me at the airport bathroom.........wait how much of that did I say outloud?

jroberts2010 [98 posts]
2 years ago

...just kiddin Matt. You're not so bad....(ugh I just replied to my own post. Someone smite me quickly)

Anonymous
2 years ago

You're giving the firster just what he wanted. He was an annoying ass, and you're all talking about him. :O

ApterousAngel [3 posts]
2 years ago

prevent yourself from crying by doing what a real man would do...make the women be in the kitchen chopping the onions.

blander32 [2 posts]
2 years ago

So funny! Matt, you're a genius :D

biidikiisu [1 post]
2 years ago

is it true?... the chewing gum thing. but this picture made me enough interested to sign in and comment, so either it's a good one, or i just really wanted to know if the chewing gum thing is true :p

MattMelvin "Head Robot" [∞ posts]
2 years ago

I haven't tried it myself, but it's supposed to really work.

Anonymous
2 years ago

I hadn't been enjoying this site as much as your other projects until now, but this is genuinely brilliant. :)

RSOB_Bass [1 post]
2 years ago

I lol'd.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Seriously Matt, you should disable anon comments so there will be less "first" assholes, then proceed to ip ban everyone who posts first posts afterward.

DrewRodriguez20 [5 posts]
2 years ago

"First" Posts fail. And when i read that my roflcopter took off

Anonymous
2 years ago

LOL! I bet the person who came up with this picture is a bitch!

MattMelvin "Head Robot" [∞ posts]
2 years ago

It's true. I am :(

_rawrcutie_ [116 posts]
2 years ago

You know somethings awesome when the comments are hilarious, too! 

geeswild [14 posts]
2 years ago

just use a baseball bat, it always works on small children

Cephr [3 posts]
2 years ago

When in doubt, break the bat out!

Oh, and I lol'd.

dfd13 [4 posts]
2 years ago

Genius! Matt, you never fail to make my laugh. Keep em comin!

guyfromupover [131 posts]
2 years ago

Well, well. This site has become ever-more popular. Also, I already knew the first part of this little fact picture thing above whatever it is you want to call it. And the second part is just common sense. And as a final solution, i suggest you make it so the new posts push the oldest ones down, making it so less people bitch and complain about first posters.

JohnnyElRey [5 posts]
2 years ago

just saying "by not being such a little bitch." made me lol at the hospital and i got looked at by other dirty sick people...i swear i got sick by them just looking at me. oh well hooray for the health i gots :D

Anonymous
2 years ago

sorry about the anon post. everyone should just ignore "first" posters and maybe they'll get the idea that we won't acknowledge their trolling

Anonymous
2 years ago

sorry for being a lameo and posting anon. but i really can't make a twitter. anywho....put a piece of bread in your mouth while cutting the onion, its supposed to absorb the fumes that make you cry. also walked in on my mom wearing swimming goggles while chopping an onion. just FYI.
awesome stuff, matt. my daily entertainment! :]

MattMelvin "Head Robot" [∞ posts]
2 years ago

"walked in on my mom wearing swimming goggles while chopping an onion."

Ahahahah! That is incredible. Your mom is awesome.

Anonymous
2 years ago

I'm 52nd ! lol
yeah like people care or will think that whoever posts first is 'cool' but anyways I've tried chopping onions with my eyes closed.
fortunately i just got a small cut. I was 7 back then.

stumbled from Philippines (wait.. what??im still not cool with THIS??)

goshdarnt [2 posts]
2 years ago

seriously man you have made my day. this is absolutely hilarious.

delightful.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Haha, AIDS.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Haha, but are you HIV+ that you can stop yourself crying with gum?

Anonymous
2 years ago

'shopped

Anonymous
2 years ago

Trying not to cry is weak. That's just pretending like a problem doesn't exist when it does. Naturally not crying is strength. There is no problem when that happens.

secret33 [1 post]
2 years ago

the "first" posters mostly don't do it to gain some sense of accomplishment, they post it to troll you, and obviously it works lol

Anonymous
1 year ago

I'm here to chop onions and chew bubblegum. And i'm out of bubblegum *cries*