I know what you're thinking: why mention shoes? It's simple, really. A movie that puts so much focus on explosions obviously can't contain very much dialogue. There just isn't any time to stand around and chat while shit's blowing up left and right. Because of this there's not very many opportunities for any sort of verbal exposition, but that's fine. This movie could have no dialogue other than "C'mon!" and guttural noises and it would still win best screenplay.
But the movie still needs to present the characters to the viewer, so what better way than showing the characters' shoes? They say you can tell a lot just by looking at someone's shoes. Take Eric Roberts' character in the picture below for example. He's wearing nice dress shoes. From this we can tell that he is a wealthy man who takes himself very seriously and puts a lot of importance into how others perceive his appearance. He's probably a person of power and is most likely someone who doesn't expect to get his hands dirty. Or his feet, since he's wearing shoes!
Michael Bay cries himself to sleep because he's not part of this.
Now, there's just one little thing I'm kinda worried about: could this movie be TOO awesome? I mean, in one scene, Stallone punches an explosion RIGHT IN ITS FACE. That's pretty hardcore. It goes without saying, but you obviously shouldn't bring your wife or girlfriend to see this. Not because they might not like it, but because there's a very strong chance they could become impregnated by the sheer force of manliness emanating from the screen.
For us guys, though, prepare to witness the end of cinema as we know it. Nothing else could possibly live up to this movie, so we might as well do whatever we can to make it an experience we'll never forget. I'll personally be watching nothing but the Lifetime channel during the week before, emasculating myself as much as possible, just so it can blow me away that much more. I just hope it's impossible to overdose on testosterone. Maybe I should bring along some estrogen injections just so I don't have a heart attack.
I would dropkick my own grandfather if doing so caused two tickets to explode out of his chest. Then, in his last breaths of life, I'd use the second ticket to take him to see the movie so he could die in the manliest way possible.
SEE THIS MOVIE.
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