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Reviews of Movies I Haven't Seen: Disaster Movie

Jun. 25, 2008

(or AN OPEN LETTER TO LIONSGATE)

When I normally do these reviews, I'm taking liberties with assumptions and generalizations for comedic effect. The whole idea is to make fun of a serious movie. I'd like to turn the tables for this one time, though, and take a serious look at what's supposed to be a funny movie. Emphasis on "supposed to."

Disaster Movie is the upcoming addition to the slew of generically-themed spoof movies from writer/directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. These are the two jackasses responsible for Date Movie, Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans. They also took the Scary Movie franchise and somehow made it even worse than it already was. Who thought you could take something created by the Wayans brothers and actually make it suck even more?

Freidberg & Seltzer being assholes on the set of some shitty movie.

Meet the Spartans was their most recent cinematic endeavor. It's 2.4/10 rating on IMDb would make you think "wow this probably sucks." You would be sorely mistaken. Merely saying the movie sucked would be a huge understatement, like saying the Holocaust was "kind of shitty." In fact, I'm pretty sure more people were laughing during the Holocaust than while watching this movie. It was unimaginably horrible.

When I was watching the movie myself, I only got about 15 minutes in before deciding I wanted my money back. Then I remembered I was at home watching a pirated version on the internet. I wanted my money back for a movie I didn't even pay to see. It was so bad, I felt like I needed to be monetarily compensated for sitting through 15 minutes of garbage.

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105 Comments

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MattMelvin "Head Robot" [∞ posts]
2 years ago

Old Explosm articles ahoy!

Anonymous
2 years ago

Hit the nail right on the head there, Matt!

That movie looks horrific. Falling Cow jokes? Jesus that hasn't been done since early 90's Sat AM cartoons (Earthworm Jim, anyone?)

Anonymous
2 years ago

Couldn't agree with you more.

I thought meet the spartans and superhero movie were absolutely unbelievably awful, but that trailer just left me speechless. Were everyone on the set so damn afraid that they'll lose their job if they spoke the truth?

At least the name suits the movie perfectly.

Anonymous
2 years ago

<Paste complaints from past 5 years>

Besides that, there wasn't anything remotely related to any actual disaster movie. They're not even spoofing the movies they said they are anymore. It's just degenerated into "_____ Movie: Epic Movie again"

Related: http://contest.disastermovie.org/

Anonymous
2 years ago

This trend started since Scary Movie 3 when they spoofed 8 mile and some other non-scary movies.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Oh my god ive seen 2 movies of them Meet the Spartans and Epic Movie. This two movies were so horrible i couldnt imagine who wrote this bs**t

Anonymous
2 years ago

Good god, not another movie by these two douche bags. I don't understand why people keep watching these spoof films. They find the trailers "funny", waste 10 dollars, leave in the first 15 minutes, and then go back when the next one comes out! Why encourage them to make more :(...

Anonymous
2 years ago

man i cant believe this i got the cow from twister but what the hell do ironman and the hulk have to do with disaster movies?

Anonymous
2 years ago

surely its the falling cow from EarthWorm Jim, no?

Anonymous
2 years ago

i liked Scary Movie 1 and Scary Movie 3... i've never seen any of the others though

i don't know much about cinema... shame on me on posting in a cinema thread

why do you complain so much about them? you only see their movies if you want to...

PS: W00T, my first post here! I love these comics...
PS 2: don't complain about me i'm don't know much of cinema and am just sharing my opinion... besides, i'm still a n00b

Anonymous
2 years ago

I'm sorry, flawed argument here. Why do we complain so much about them? Because movies like this are taking away money from potentially good movies.

And even if not for that, they're the cinematic equivalent of Middle ages.

Also, cow falling on Iron Man, rock falling on Miley Cyrus, Hulk destroying his shorts, car hitting Cinderella-like girl, Hancock hitting lamppost, Juno girl hitting Sarah Jessica Parker with her baby's foot.

That's hilarious. I mean, that's some deep stuff there.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Holy crap, all they do is use jokes SOMEBODY ELSE MADE UP and use it in their crappy movie, hoping it to be funny.
Hell, Uwe boll got some serious fucking competition here!

Anonymous
2 years ago

i saw date movie and realized it was crap so now i just avoid all these dumb spoof movies... i wish we were back in the days of movies like airplane...

Anonymous
2 years ago

I liked the scary movies and epic movie
but yeah disaster movie looks crappy

Anonymous
2 years ago

I wish I could un-see the trailer it looks so bad.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Have you seen Maddoxs (http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=af08) take on those Movie movies?

Anonymous
2 years ago

exactly what i was thinking when i read that

somebody should start a petition to ban that movie before it starts taking up precious movie theater space

Anonymous
2 years ago

Sometimes I think that if there was a God, he would force us to watch things like this to let us know the masses are idiots.

Anonymous
2 years ago

That trailer...is quite possibly the worst thing I have ever seen.

And Uwe Boll doesn't have competition. He has been getting BETTER as he goes on. Those guys...have been getting WORSE.

I miss the days when parody movies were actually funny :(

Anonymous
2 years ago

WOW!! I wasted my time seeing Re-Vamped; but at least that was hilariously bad.
This just looks shitty bad! Are they the same guys that did Date Movie too? They both suck big, hairy, sweaty, smelly balls. I don't see how anyone could think this was remotely funny!

Anonymous
2 years ago

I wish I could un-see the trailer

Anonymous
2 years ago

Is it possible for there to be a movie worse than Meet The Spartans?
With seeing this trailer the answer has become an apparent yes.

Anonymous
2 years ago

That trailer made me physically sick. In fact, just thinking about the trailer makes me sick. God, this is going to be shit.

Anonymous
2 years ago

I wonder when they're gonna stop being successful.

Anonymous
2 years ago

When everyone with an IQ below 40 drops dead.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Wow this movie looks pretty funny!

I love spoof movies!

Anonymous
2 years ago

My eyes, they bleed!!!!!
I could make a better movie that hunk of decomposing turd.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Hahaha, they put a huge rock on Miley Cyrus.

It's funny because, uh, people know of her?

I don't even understand the thought process behind these "jokes" or why people continue to see these awful movies.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Matt nailed it, this is just awful.

I have to admit, I gave Spartans a try, that what a waste of time. I sure won't see that upcoming piece of crap.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Pathetic. These two "screenwriters couldn't make a good movie if someone sold it to them. They'd replace all the good jokes that make you think with gross out humor and disgusting slapstick humor nobody cared about to begin with

Anonymous
2 years ago

Sweet christ... this movie will end life as we know it.

Anonymous
2 years ago

I think I just died a little inside from watching that trailer. Thankfully, the article was there to resurrect what it could.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Complain all you want it won't make a difference, these people might have the worst sense of humor ever! but that doesn't mean they're stupid. Apparently a decent percentage of people are fucking morons and like this shit, so therefore they make movies that appeal to them.

It's a business, they make stupid movies because there are stupid people.

Anonymous
2 years ago

this is weird, i've never seen any thread that most everyone agreed with... yes, it doesn't look good, but criticizing them like this? i mean, there are worse movies and you only see them if you want to. if you hate them and their movies, then don't see them!

PS: ...and don't be rude with me for having this opinion. i mean, i'm still a n00b and don't know yet how this role around here. also remember, it wasn't me who made the movie

;)

Anonymous
2 years ago

You totally missed my post, right?

Being a guy that will work in the cinema industry once I'm done with my studies, let me tell you it makes me die a little inside, knowing that money is taken away from potentially great movies for this kind of crap.

And ignoring crimes to humanity like that is not the way to go, unless you want us to stagnate forever in our pursuit of a greater good.

Anonymous
2 years ago

ok, then i guess it is bad...

Anonymous
2 years ago

I am honestly speechless at how fucking horrific that movie looks...

Anonymous
2 years ago

I find it interesting that walking back home from work half way through my shift yesterday I started thinking about american spoofs and how they HAVE to be made with 12 year olds in mind. Cause honestly, the must be the only one's the find this even remotely funny anymore.

I think calling movies such as this "shit" too nice of a word. They are more like diarrehal fluid that is only faintly coloured in shit. It's the stuff that comes out when you hope the end is near and you can finally flush and forget about it.

So, my friends, lets keep this in mind. This trash will keep coming out whether we want it too or not, but in 10 to 20 years it will be forgotten (until is so amazingly shitty that it gets remembered the same way as Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or Killer Klowns from Mars). In the future, if your children ever find a copy of this please contact me and I will gladly find my way to them and smack them in the head with a 2x4

Anonymous
2 years ago

Disturbing mental images with Juno's baby kicking Sarah Jessica Parker.
Excuse me while I go vomit.

I can only ask one question - WHY?

Anonymous
2 years ago

Hey come on now guys, it might be funny...

:D

Anonymous
2 years ago

I watched the trailer and kept waiting for something funny to happen. Then it finished. I was still waiting.

I haven't seen any of these, and judging by that hunk of crap I'm not about to!

Anonymous
2 years ago

I just find it funny that when they used a man to spoof sarah jessica parker, she actually looked LESS manly...

Anonymous
2 years ago

Having read this review thing, I totally agree. They need to stop making stupid movies. The only people I know that saw Meet the Spartans were the kids too young to get in to see Rambo.

Anonymous
2 years ago

I am quite impressed you made it through the entire article without making the obvious remark "disaster movie is a disaster" or anything of the sort.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Scary Movies 1, 2, and 3 were actually pretty funny because, well, who doesn't make fun of scary movies anyway?
Scary Movie 4 was just them pushing to make more money off of an overdone idea.
Date Movie was terrible (probably since I am a girl I I like pretty much every movie that they made fun of)
Epic Movie was funny at times because it made fun of a trilogy that everyone in the whole freaking world has seen at least 1 movie of (PoTC of course) and a childrens movie (please donot make "Children's Movie", Enchanted beat you to it.)

but those are the only ones I dared (or was forced for the later 2) to see.

Anonymous
2 years ago

See, I generally laugh a little when i see a crappy movie trailer like that, but watching that trailer made me feel kind of depressed :(

Anonymous
2 years ago

I'm making a movie called "Spoof Movie".

Anonymous
2 years ago

i would so see that

Anonymous
2 years ago

DAMN! beat me to it.
I was going to say, it would take them until they made one called 'Shitty Spoof Movie', to realise they'd gone too far.

Anonymous
2 years ago

man, i found the movie pretty interesting, i will se it as soon as i can,
it's the perfect movie!

haha! just kidding.

holy crap! this is ruffles.

Anonymous
2 years ago

At least none of the movies they are making fun of are even disaster movies. It was mostly super hero movies. Do they just place a random adjective in front of the word movie and hope that it fits? I think that the suicide rate goes up every time they release a movie.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Terrible looking movie, i thought the bikini girls looked good tho!

Anonymous
2 years ago

Holy fucking shitballs Batman, what the hell was that? I got about half-way through the first Scary Movie before realizing what utter crap it was and I haven't seen any of this style of spoof movie since. Judging from the trailers, however, it appears that the movies seem to get worse and worse each time. When I saw the trailer for Meet the Spartans I thought it looked like the worst movie of all time, but the trailer I just watched for Disaster Movie made Meet the Spartans look like Citizen Kane. Seriously, how fucking dumb are Americans that these guys can keep churning out these movies and keep making money from them?

MattMelvin "Head Robot" [∞ posts]
2 years ago

The film grossed $38,233,676 in the United States and Canada and grossed $45,787,889 in foreign countries adding to an international gross of $84,021,565.

Anonymous
2 years ago

I bet Meet The Spartans made a killing in Germany. I hear they love that shit.

Anonymous
2 years ago

dear god matt thank you so much
these shithouse prodcutions need to be stopped
every single one of them isn funny its just shit joke after shit joke for 2 crappy hours.
to the producers youre total douchebags

Anonymous
2 years ago

holy shit.
i love you. seriously. i have been preaching this for decades. and i'm sorry, did anyone else realize there was a couple of movie references in there that aren't even out yet/barely released? it's like what the fuck, give people a chance to at least make up their own jokes (which would probably be better than their piece of shit 'movie')

Anonymous
2 years ago

As bad as those shitty movies are, they're just rubbing it in my face by releasing it on my birthday.

I hope a cow falls on those stupid bitches.

And by cow, I mean atomic bomb.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Holy Shit. Not again. I've seen all the Scary Movies (forced), and hated them, seen Date Movie, Epic Movie and Superhero Movie Also. I regret watching them. Superhero movie was just TERRIBLE! I wanted my money back. Scary Movies list their humor in 15 minutes, Epic movie just bored me to shit and Date Movie, the fuck was that? I'm glad I didn't go and see Meet the Spartans with my friend. I WOULD have left and got my money. And Disaster movie, this just looks so goddamn terrible, Falling Cows? Hannah Montanna? God Damn. I hate these two fuckers for making these movies.

Thanks for putting up with my angry, early morning rant.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Haha, Iron Man was hit by a cow.

It's funny because it's SO RANDOM!!!

Anonymous
2 years ago

Man am I glad that i'm not the only one that thinks these series of movies is a pile of shit.
I've seen the trailers to all but this movie (Thank god) but I still have'nt seen any of the actual movies. Which I am very grateful for.

Anonymous
2 years ago

One more of these shit movies, and I honestly think I'm going to buy myself a sniper rifle and kill those guys. And all the morons who go see the movies "just because they know it'll be dumb". IF YOU GO AND SEE IT, THAT'LL JUST ENCOURAGE THEM TO MAKE MORE SHITTY MOVIES.

Anonymous
2 years ago

i knew i was going to regret hitting "play" on the trailer, i gave up on these guys after scary movie 4, date movie almost drove me to suicide, the only thing that "semi-saved" the scary movies was leslie nielson, if they just released those movies with just his scenes i would watch them.
i think i am going to have to watch both hot shots and the naked gun trilogy just to get that damn trailer out of my head...

also, i wonder how many people joined the forum just to write a comment about this, i sure know i did ha

Anonymous
2 years ago

Maybe we should burn the directors.... :)

Anonymous
2 years ago

I'm confused, do these guys actually THINK they're making funny movies, or do they deliberately make them crap just for a laugh!?

Anonymous
2 years ago

Wow... that trailer was PAINFUL.

What's next for these douchebags? "Shit Movie" an hour and a half of other movie characters in the bathroom? I say kill them now before they kill society with their worthless garbage they call 'movies'.

Anonymous
2 years ago

I honestly didn't think it could get worse than MtS.

Anonymous
2 years ago

at least they cast some guy to play sara jessica parker.

Anonymous
2 years ago

About Bangkok Dangerous... I was with a herd of straight-from-Thailand kids and as soon as they saw that they were so offended they wanted to leave the theatre. One was even complaining how they were ashamed to be Thai is "THAT IS WHAT AMERICANS THINK OF US." Lionsgate puts out this kind of crap? I'll remember not so see or buy any of their shitty films...

Anonymous
2 years ago

Ouch. Just ouch.

With that type of money, we can expect another shitty movie parody atrocity every 8 months to a year.

Anonymous
2 years ago

The "trendy" remedial spoof movies seem to be reminiscent of 15 year long sit-com era. Doesn't look like these guys are going to stop until they're bankrupt. Which at their current pace, can't be too long.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Do they even know what they're doing? I mean, really, do they even KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING? Are they TRYING to piss us off?

Anonymous
2 years ago

I had the intense displeasure of seeing that trailer in a theater. What disturbed me most was that the majority of the theater was laughing.

Y'know there are very few people who can somehow turn Hannah Montana being crushed by a meteor into a bad thing, but these guys have somehow managed it.

I'm gonna go watch Evil Dead 2, and hopefully purge all images of that trailer from my brain in the process.

Anonymous
2 years ago

I fear it will take more than just Evil Dead 2. It's going to take all 3 - Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, and Army of Darkness - in order to purge that shitstorm

Anonymous
2 years ago

It'll still take more than that.

Land of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead, all of the zombie movies, new and old.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Okay then. Zombie movie/Bruce Campbell marathon at my house. Who's in?

Anonymous
2 years ago

Bubba Ho-Tep?

MattMelvin "Head Robot" [∞ posts]
2 years ago

Unless Bruce Campbell himself was with us during the marathon, I don't think it would be enough.

Anonymous
2 years ago

what those two douche bags are doing completely undermines the work of legit filmmakers. people need to stop encouraging them.

Anonymous
2 years ago

I just saw Meet the Spartans and if that was anything like Meet the Spartans it is going to absolute shit..

Anonymous
2 years ago

The amount of people who say, "Take my strong hand!" at my school and think it's funny is remarkable.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Wow... I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks these movies suck. The only one that I thought was even remotely entertaining was SM3 but my kids made me buy Epic Movie and while watching it the only way to not shut it off in the first 15 mins was to daydream and wonder if they make you watch this movie in prison as part of your punishment...talk about a crime stopper!!

Anonymous
2 years ago

Personaly, I enjoyed scary movie 1&2, three was fuckin hilarious, 4 sucked, date movie was gay, epic movie was good-ish( loved Jack Swallows), have yet to see meet the spartans or superhero movie, and i think they should have stopped after S.M.3

Anonymous
2 years ago

I just saw one of the posters on IMDB. IT had (bear with me here) :
1. Iron Man
2. Hulk
3. Batman ( and thats not out till Friday)
4. Hancock
5. Highschool Musical
6.Sex in the City
7. Juno
8. Alvin and the Chipmuncks
9. Kung Foo Panda
10. Hellboy (that came out yesterday)
11. Hannah Montana
12. Enchanted
13. Indiana Jones

All in one poster, jeez this must be the best movie ever!!!

EDIT: I found Speed Racer and The Love Guru

Anonymous
2 years ago

Yep, Like So Many Others, I Agree. When Are They Going To Give Up And Realize It Just Isn't Funny Anymore?? Not That it Ever Was.

Scary Movie Was Good, I'll Admit Then, But Then They Took It Too Far. Date Movie Sucked. Epic Movie Sucked (Apart From The Pirates Of The Carribean Rap, That Was Hilarious.) Meet The Spartans Had The Occasional Funny Joke, But The Film Was Terrible And Superhero Movie Sucked With Someone From Nickelodeon As The Star!

Another Thing, That Was A Trailer For 'Disaster Movie'. It Didn't Even Show A Disaster Apart From The Three Seconds Of A Comet In The Start. I Mean Seriously, 'Sexy And The City', 'Juno', 'Hancock', 'Enchanted', 'The Hulk', 'Iron Man'?? They're Are Straying Away From A Plot That Never Even Existed!

What Are They Going To Do Next? 'The Fairy Tale Movie??'

Oh God, They Will Wont They??

The Joke Got Old Fast.
Awesome Post.

Anonymous
2 years ago

Was that entire capitalized post above the title to something? Because that title looks even worse than the one's getting bashed in the rest of this thread.

Anonymous
2 years ago

i partly agree with this thread
i HATE epic movie
i HATE date movie
i HATE meet the spartans
i know i'm goin to HATE superhero movie and disaster movie
but the scary movies werent too bad
at least they made a bit of an effort on them
also havin a go at the wayans bros is just out of line
they are funny as hell!
u is crazay!

Anonymous
2 years ago

Meet The Spartans was so bad! I honestly for the life of me cannot understand what compelled them to make such a shitty spoof of a generally good movie! It just makes the original seem so much better compared and makes them look bad.
Shame on the creators of Meet the Spartans! SHAME!

Anonymous
1 year ago

They're advertising this movie like crazy. Another website I visit a lot has a whole skin dedicated to this movie. It's quite disturbing. Though, Carmen Electra is good eye candy, no matter how bad the movie is. Maybe they should add nude scenes with her in it to draw more viewers? :O

Anonymous
1 year ago

For everyone who is curious what the movie is like but doesn't want to give Friedberg and Seltzer any money, here is a recap: http://contest.disastermovie.org/?page_id=182

Anonymous
1 year ago

SPY MOVIE!? WHAT THE FUCK!

Anonymous
1 year ago

lets hope they die and leave us alone

Anonymous
1 year ago

i loved that movie. the song at the end was the best

lvarchibald [2 posts]
1 month ago

I wanted to rip my eyeballs out and feed them to a chihuahua then watch this trailer again. Are people actually getting this brain dead?

Anonymous
1 month ago

Spot on, Spot on.

Anonymous
1 month ago

I saw it.
Sorry about posting this anon., but i had to vent my anger and i haven't got twitter yet (give me time).
They mocked Hellboy. They must SUFFER.

Anonymous
1 month ago

It totally raped my eyes!!aargh help me

Anonymous
1 month ago

as a wise person said: people like shit, then give them shit

Anonymous
1 month ago

just when u think their movies couldnt get any worse.. they do.. and then they do again.. and then these idots make this crap...

Anonymous
1 month ago

seen this one. it isn't even funny when you're stonned. (although i must admit i can't remember half of it -_-

Anonymous
1 month ago

i'm so regretting that i watched this trailer. i can comment this in one world: shit!

willwonkut [4 posts]
29 days ago

its it really dat bad?? really?
they should give it back to the wayans bros. at least make it a little funny.

lvarchibald [2 posts]
25 days ago

WHY DID I WATCH THE TRAILER AGAIN?!? OH DEAR GOD WHY?!? MY EYES AND MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!!!

DDraddcit [3 posts]
12 days ago

I think movies like these are the reason why I quit with theaters all together.

Anonymous
9 days ago

I want my money back for watching the trailer....I feel like I should be paid for watching it, holy crap.