Reviews of Movies I Haven't Seen: Cloverfield

Reviews of Movies I Haven't Seen: Cloverfield
Jan. 16, 2008
One of the most highly anticipated films of late is the epic sci-fi thriller, Cloverfield. What makes this film special is that it's being helmed by producer JJ Abrams. I think he's won some awards or something, but Abrams is probably best known for his work on the movie Taking Care of Business, a light-hearted comedy starring one of the greatest comedic actors of our time: Jim Belushi.




What really makes Abrams such an amazing influence to this movie, though, is his work on a little TV show called Lost. Avid fans of the show already know what I'm getting at: the monster. As with Cloverfield, Lost had a mysterious monster that had fans guessing (and complaining!) just what this monster could be. A monster that disappeared into thin air, knocked down trees, made mechanical sounds and roared like a dragon; what else could it be than a floating black cloud of smoke that visually projects the thoughts and memories of the people it attacks! Obviously.

It's with this same flow of logic that we are able to narrow down the possibilities of just what the monster is. And no, it's not Godzilla. We know Abrams uses a lot of references to past movies and television in his work, but Godzilla? Please, I'll eat this review (mmm pixels) if the monster turns out to be even remotely giant-lizard-like. Some retards even thought it was a film adaptation of Voltron.

We have a couple really strong clues to go from, the first of which is the decapitating of the Statue of Liberty. Not only do we know that the monster is capable of doing it (strength to tear it off, ability to get high enough in the air to reach it, distaste for American iconography), but the Statue of Liberty has significant references to various pieces of popular media. We also have the movie title itself. It's pretty much a given that the movie ends with the main dude and some chick (all their other friends die) in a field of clovers, but that's not enough to name the movie after. The title has a hidden clue in there, too.

What really brings this all full circle and solidifies our hypothesis is a line from the trailer: "It's alive!" Alive? ALIVE!? Ahh, it's so simple! Obviously, the monster used to not be alive, but now is. At first, you may think it's a zombie, but remember the Statue of Liberty. Zombies aren't strong enough to rip the head off like that. Plus, they're proud to be Americans. So if not a zombie, what could the monster be?

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MattMelvin  "Head Robot"  [∞ posts]
4 years ago
Old Explosm articles ahoy!

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
I always knew marshmellows were evil. This just confirms my suspicions.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
Hmm this seems logical. Although the marshmellow man doesn't fight the statue of liberty! Marshmellow man is in the first movie and the statue of liberty is in the sequel, though I'm sure you know this you sexy blasphemer you.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
See I Kinda Liked It, But Stay Puff Marshmallow Man Does Make Sense, Thanks For The Insight Matt

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
At first when I saw this movie was coming out, I thought it was just another try hard sci-fi film were alien monsters try to take over earth and destroy mankind, but thanks to your idea of what the movie may be about, I'm half-way interested in seeing it now.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
Guys, sorry that I need to be serious for a sec, but this movie is going to be AWESOME. Plus we already know that monster looks like this: http://www.hecklerspray.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/rosie05.jpg

 
Anonymous
4 years ago
Geez, if thats the case, I'm kinda scared to see it.
I usually go to dinner before a movie, and I'd like to keep the DINNER portion. ;)

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
Ahh Matt, love your reviews man, I think I might go and see this film actually. Seems interesting at least.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
What if the monster is the love child of Godzilla and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
Nice review Matt, makes me want to see the movie even more.

 
 
MattMelvin  "Head Robot"  [∞ posts]
4 years ago
Jokes aside, the actual movie looks fantastic. I'm seeing it this weekend. I'm definitely a fan of JJ Abrams.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
I just watched the trailer on http://www.cloverfieldmovie.com/ and it look's like that's the next movie I'm seeing. I thought it being done on a hand-held camera may lower the quality of the movie all round, but it looks worth a watch.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
This movie looks alright. The statue of Liberty head looks very real thundering down a road . I enjoyed bits of Lost but not enough to pay to see it at the movies. Matt can you tell us if it is as good as it's meant to be.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
Great review as always Matt, love it ^^
Though I can't say I'm looking forward this movie, the chance of a new marshmellow man makes it worth downloading ;)

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
Sorry to say, but somebody beat you to that conclusion already :(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBOyG5Bgduk

 
 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
I knew it had to be Sin. First Spira now he's coming to earth.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
Great article Matt. Your creativity in figuring out what the mosnter is was amazing. It's so obvious.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
Spot on :D the part where you summed EVERY single 'large creature eats world' part is so accurate i could cry, i now have no reason to see this movie as im sure it will be worse then the review :P i'll go waste my money on AvP2 XD keep reviewing :D

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
I'd say you hit the nail on the head. Awesome review.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
awesome i can't wait to see it in... *looks at clock*. so many more hours ^_^ ive been looking forward to it since i saw the first preview for it in transformers ^_^ w00t

and well at first i thought Godzilla, but then im like naw.. but now im like mmm marshmallow's.... but what about the screaming noise.. that doesn't sound squishy.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
OMG! I saw the movie! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
i agree!! the marshmellow man was fantastic!

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
I know someone who went to see it and they said the people at the theatre actually warn you that it may make you nauseous from all of the camera motion. He just kind of laughed it off and thought "whatever," but sure enough about half an hour into the movie he started feeling sick to his stomach from all the motion.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
Well I must say this movie did turn out to be a pretty good movie. Loved the acting in it, it kept my attention for the whole movie, which is a rare thing with some of the newer action/thriller movies being pumped out these days.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
ah i saw the screening and i had to leave in the middle cause i got so nauseous..i thought it was cause i didn't eat well that day but i found out a lot of people left sick O.o

at the end of this review i really thought you saw the movie already!! but the title suggested otherwise and then the comment about the normal camerawork..i guess plots are too predictable? i'm sure this would've been more amusing if i'd actually seen ghostbusters I or I but it was hilarious nontheless lol i would've loved to see a big marshmallow man eating people! kinda ironic if you ask me ;x

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
Yeah....I kinda saw the movie...I can only describe it as..."Forgettable"...
Maybe I would have enjoyed it more if the..."thing," wasn't so..."thingy"...eh. Just thought it was a bit too predictable. Maybe I would have enjoyed it more if "it" was keep in the dark longer (like in LOST), or perhaps if I felt more time was put into the main antagonistic EVIL. Felt kinda cheap...that's just me though. The cinematography was actually pretty cool, although I think that everyone can agree that perhaps it wasn't the best idea...lol. I just watched "Children of Men" today (vidie it!), and it had small bits of the "chase camera" effects, and I feel it worked rather smoothly.

Oh! How about that trailer to "Jumpers" huh?!...

 
Anonymous
4 years ago
Chase camera effects? You mean the movie featured the world being completely depopulated after everyone unsuccessfully attempts to procreate through buttsex?

Or was it filmed by butts?

Did it feature massive rectal explosion effects?

Were there slow motion projectiles dodged a la "Matrix"?

Just wanted to clarify.
After all, I'm pretty sure that Rob, Kris and the gang would most definitely want to see a movie using Chase's own....unique.....brand of special effects.

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
But why is he a douche? You should elaborate. And do you think when the marshmellow man is destroyed he will be put into jars and sold as mallow cream?

 
 
Anonymous
4 years ago
Matt, I would fully hire you to predict what would happen in a movie. Accuracy is nothing when you get something golden like this.

 
 
Anonymous
3 years ago
Jesus, i saw Cloverfield months ago, and i had never read this completely (damn dial-up, those days sucked). But this was fuckin' hilarious!!!

 
 
GetJackX  [1 post]
2 years ago
whowha waht the hell is going on im posting here via twitter or what woah...
whatever

this movie stinks because nothing is happening. godzilla had at least a big fat fight with big fat smartass monsters and weird special effect. this movie had...a big giant something......and some teenies runaway from home and die.

 
 
Anonymous
2 years ago
Oh damn. I was totally going for a zombie king kong.
but it all makes sense now!

 
 
Anonymous
2 years ago
what?

 
 
shur3shot  [7 posts]
2 years ago
ya know not a scarey movie till you dream in it then you shit bricks till your in a bottle of ms. buttersworth

 
 
Anonymous
2 years ago
*SPOILER ALERT*
Be prepared to eat some pixels cause i hate to break it to ya but... the monster is a giant lizard thing.

 
 
Anonymous
2 years ago
Gostbusters fought AS the statue of liberty in Gostbusters 2, douche.

 
 
Anonymous
2 years ago
id happily buy a flash drive so you can put this review on it and eat it just to watch on youtube(over & over again)

 
 
Anonymous
2 years ago
lol totally innacurate! The monster is a submerged amphibious 350 foot killing machine... not stay puft.

 
 
iburnmathbooks  [31 posts]
2 years ago
Hahahaha! My thoughts exactly! You, Matt, have the best movie reviews ever! I'm recommeding this site to abunch of random old perverts who stalk me on Twitter!

 
 
GreyKaminari  [10 posts]
2 years ago
I accidentally watched this movie last night and ,holy crap, it WAS the Stay Puft Man!