Teeth stars the woman you see below (Jess Weixler). We know she is a woman because she has a vagina. This woman's vagina is different, though. "How is it different," you say? "Is it actually a penis," you say? No. This woman's vagina has teeth. Teeth growing in her vagina.
"What... what did you put in here?"
I don't know how anybody comes up with ideas for a movie like this, but I think once you have the idea the story just sorta writes itself. Her toothed vagina starts attacking people. Obviously. So when anybody has sex with her, their dicks are bitten off.
That hurts just to think about.
Once the premise is set the movie really gets going! More guys try to have sex with her and they get their dicks bitten off. One would think that upon realizing the vagina he is now penetrating has teeth, he'd stop. The actress is a normal looking, marginally attractive girl, so it's not like these guys are doing Jessica Alba and thinking "screw it, this is worth it!" (And let's be honest, a fair amount of guys would totally trade having their dicks bitten off to sleep with Alba.) But alas, they carry on. Bye bye, wieners.
The film also co-stars John Hensley who gives a stunning performance as the girl's bad boy stepbrother who, of course, gets it on with her. Hensley is best known for his role on FX's Nip/Tuck. Now I don't watch the show, but I remember flipping through the channels once and seeing a scene where Hensley's character tried to give himself a circumcision. It could just be coincidence, but it seems like he has a penchant for taking roles that involve penile mutilation a little too often. His sideburns in the movie totally make up for that, though.
Now, if a movie about a killer vagina that eats people wasn't enough, the icing on the cake comes by ending the trailer with... Poison lyrics.
Classy.
The movie is billed as a drama, but it's gotta be a horror/comedy at heart. It's sorta like a Troma film, but with better production, better special effects, and more vaginas with teeth in them.
Ironically Recommended
| Know what won't surprise you by being filled with teeth? The DVD! |  |
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